Full Circle

I had a realization on Sunday. 

It’s been about a week since I returned from my most recent missions trip to Jakarta, Indonesia. It was an incredible journey, and I’d like to share a portion of it with you.

From the moment we landed, I was hit with a rush of memories. I had been to Jakarta back in the summer of 2010, exactly three years previous. The people we met, the bible college we ministered at, and the churches we visited were all coming back to me. I was also beginning to remember who I was back then; my thoughts, my values, and my struggles.

As I was reminded of these things, there were faint pangs of regret in my heart. I was still growing in maturity back then, and I would act quite foolish at times. But God was doing something incredible in the midst of it.

Now here is the realization I had: Everything has come full circle with this trip.

One of the standout moments for me on this trip was the seminar I gave at the IKAT Orientation Retreat. The topic I was given was “Christian Vocation,” and in the seminar I shared a little bit about my journey in finding my call in media ministry. The key points that were highlighted to me as I prepared were these:

1. You are loved.
2. You are a part of the Body of Christ.
3. You are unique.

But looking back on this message, I started to laugh because three years ago, these were the EXACT three areas that I was still struggling in. I used to constantly fear rejection, I used to constantly feel alone, and I used to always wonder if I was gifted or special.

Yet there I stood, with a microphone in my hand, completely free! And not only that, during the altar call after the message, you could see that they too were being set free of similar struggles!

God’s work in my life continually blows me away! But for me, this trip was almost like a journey down memory lane, and I could only stand in awe of how different I am today than I was three years ago. I rejoice in my God!

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“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 (ESV)

Defeated.

There he is. Weapon on the ground. Shield long before shattered. Knees buried in the mud. Body soaked to the bone by the rain. Armor weighing ten times what he is accustomed to. He is bleeding. Wounded...

-----

Just two days before he rode valiantly into town, riches and spoils in tow.

"Prince! It's good to see you have returned!"
"It's been months! Tougher than you had expected, eh?"
"Finally! We're rid of them!!"
"Who would dare face us now?!"

The cheers and shouts were deafening. But one voice carried over the rest.

"LET US CELEBRATE!!"

The festivities were heard through the night. It was their first respite in four months. The campaign had been painfully long, there was no denying it. The winter had been cold. Men, lost. The nights, restless...

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"Just wait. There is hope yet," he said. "The enemy's camp is growing impatient. They don't have much time left."

"But we've only a week's provision left! We can't ration it out any longer than we already have! Our men will starve soon!"

"... Then tonight we feast! Tell the men we're taking our victory tomorrow!"

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Of the enemy, there was but one survivor. But of all the men to have survived, it was that man. The one known as the most cunning of the enemy forces. He slipped into the Prince's chambers and stole his crown. As though to prove that the Prince's life was in his hands...

-----

They stood face to face. Both well aware that this battle would be hard fought.

The rain poured down.

-----

Finally, silence. Complete silence. Nothing but ragged breathing, but even that fades away.

The victor rises to his feet.

And the crown once again where it belongs.

The Word

Is not my Word like fire, declares the Lord,

and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces?

- Jeremiah 23:29

Times of Refreshing

You bring TIMES OF REFRESHING to my soul O Lord! Thank you God for the past few weeks! They've been soaked in your presence and I'm so thankful for the grace that is constantly upon me, the favor that is constantly surrounding me. Lord, cause me to be even more secure in my sonship. In my identity as a prince. I want to run around all day in your presence Lord! I want that joy~~! Amen!

Intimacy - I Guess You Would Call This "Hitting a Wall"

For the sake of showing the progress of my journey, I'm going to post an entry that was not fully completed. I had started it a few days ago, but I never finished for whatever reason. Currently, I don't remember where I was going with this entry... haha And right now I actually don't feel this way anymore, so praise the Lord! :D I'll post on how this changed as well, but for now take this!

-------------May 19, 2010-------------

This past weekend with New Philly was so glorious! Saturday night's Joint Prayer Meeting was SO powerful! God showed up in a big way, and I know that most of the people there got at least a little shaken up! And at Sunday Service at NPCHillside, God yet again showed up in glory, and we saw several people falling under the Spirit and several more just manifesting under His presence! This weekend I saw more manifestations of God in one weekend than I had ever before! It was undeniable that God was present!

And yet, the most difficult thing for me was that during this time, I felt like I wasn't experiencing anything at all. And you know, that probably isn't the truth. During this time I was doing my best to just be prayer support for those who were ministering and being ministered to. But as much as I've been pursuing God in the past few weeks, and even though I was going fairly strong on my media fast, and despite doing my best to give God the worship during these ministry times, I felt nothing. I didn't feel the Holy Spirit leading me into things to pray, and I didn't feel Him moving in my emotions like He sometimes does. In fact, more than feeling nothing, I felt like I was getting drained..

After reflecting, and talking to Brady about it, I think I came to a few realizations:

• I think that rather than being led by the Holy Spirit to be prayer support, I took that action out of a sense that, as a member and a leader, it was my responsibility to be praying for these brothers and sisters.
• I think God was probably trying to do something on my own heart, but because of this sense of responsibility, I wasn't letting Him. I definitely felt a disconnect between me and God, and that probably should have told me I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing, but I was so intent on being prayer support.. I knew that while I was disconnected I wasn't going to be very effective, and so I was actually trying to follow the example of others and lift up praises to God in those times when I felt stuck. But I think instead I should have just stopped what I was doing and focused entirely on God. Thinking about it like that I think I missed out on what could have been a really powerful time of the Holy Spirit's ministry to myself as well.. Or maybe what I'm going through right now IS the lesson God wanted me to learn?
• Through this experience I'm coming face to face with how little I can really do in my own ability and power. And that brings me to only one solution, that being to rely the Holy Spirit. My prayers may be powerful, but I want my prayers to bring an encounter with GOD! And the only way that is going to happen is if I'm praying from the Father's heart.

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And that was that entry. More to come!

Speaking of Fruitless Pursuits...

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread,

but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

- Proverbs 12:11

I'm gunna work my land Lord!

Intimacy - Knowing That It's Too Much

About 2 and a half weeks ago now, I had my Healing and Deliverance session at New Philly. For those of you who aren't familiar with what an H & D session is, it's a sort of counseling session where we ask God to expose the deep wounds of our hearts so that He can heal them by pouring His love out on them. It's good stuff. :)

I'm still in the middle of writing my full testimony, but I wanted to share just a little bit. First thing you should know is this: During my session areas of my heart have been healed, walls have been broken down, and chains have been broken off of me! Hallelujah! I may not have been able to sense these things occurring, but that doesn't change the reality of what took place! I'm taking them in faith!

And during my session it be came clear that the Enemy has been using a lot of my favorite pastimes to kill my time with God, namely video games. And in an effort to clear my plate for God, I went on what ended up being a 2 week video game fast, but unfortunately during that period of time, I ended up turning to anime and comic books to fill a good portion of that new free time.

Basically God's been pressing on my heart over the past few days that this is simply too much. I've been wasting too much of my time on fruitless things. So this left me with only one option to really counteract the Devil's schemes: a full-on media fast. For I don't know how many days. Basically until I feel the Lord telling me I'm good to go. This is going to be a challenge, but I know that God wouldn't convict me of this unless he knew I was able to push through. I mean, simply for you to hear me say that these things are fruitless out loud tells you that it HAS to be God! haha

I feel that it's important that I'm as specific as possible so that I won't be tempted to cheat. So my current fast will involve:

• No video games
• No anime
• No manga
• No comic books
• No webcomics
• No YouTubing random videos
• No Facebook or Gchatting in excess

Which still leaves me with a plethora of other ways for me to spend my time unwisely... so this list is probably going to grow if I start feeling like something else is taking up too much of my time.

But yeah, I'm going to be setting a lot of time aside to do these things specifically:

• Read the Bible
• Study the Bible
• Pray
• Read Christian books
• Play guitar and praise

The rest of my free time I'm only going to allow myself to do these things:

• Blogging
• Studying Korean
• Editing photos
• Painting (If I can actually work myself up to start...)
• Other things I need to do (Some side projects, clean the apartment, do budgeting stuff, etc.)

This is my game plan. I realize that there are SO many things I want to do with my time... In the long run, if I could really just stop all of my media things, I would probably have enough time to do all of the other things I want to do... -__- I'm going to have to find a way to budget my time...

But yeah, just so it's clear, my end goal for this is greater intimacy with the Father, and I honestly feel that this will come as I take these steps. I'll let you all know how it all turns out. ^^