Times of Refreshing

You bring TIMES OF REFRESHING to my soul O Lord! Thank you God for the past few weeks! They've been soaked in your presence and I'm so thankful for the grace that is constantly upon me, the favor that is constantly surrounding me. Lord, cause me to be even more secure in my sonship. In my identity as a prince. I want to run around all day in your presence Lord! I want that joy~~! Amen!

Intimacy - I Guess You Would Call This "Hitting a Wall"

For the sake of showing the progress of my journey, I'm going to post an entry that was not fully completed. I had started it a few days ago, but I never finished for whatever reason. Currently, I don't remember where I was going with this entry... haha And right now I actually don't feel this way anymore, so praise the Lord! :D I'll post on how this changed as well, but for now take this!

-------------May 19, 2010-------------

This past weekend with New Philly was so glorious! Saturday night's Joint Prayer Meeting was SO powerful! God showed up in a big way, and I know that most of the people there got at least a little shaken up! And at Sunday Service at NPCHillside, God yet again showed up in glory, and we saw several people falling under the Spirit and several more just manifesting under His presence! This weekend I saw more manifestations of God in one weekend than I had ever before! It was undeniable that God was present!

And yet, the most difficult thing for me was that during this time, I felt like I wasn't experiencing anything at all. And you know, that probably isn't the truth. During this time I was doing my best to just be prayer support for those who were ministering and being ministered to. But as much as I've been pursuing God in the past few weeks, and even though I was going fairly strong on my media fast, and despite doing my best to give God the worship during these ministry times, I felt nothing. I didn't feel the Holy Spirit leading me into things to pray, and I didn't feel Him moving in my emotions like He sometimes does. In fact, more than feeling nothing, I felt like I was getting drained..

After reflecting, and talking to Brady about it, I think I came to a few realizations:

• I think that rather than being led by the Holy Spirit to be prayer support, I took that action out of a sense that, as a member and a leader, it was my responsibility to be praying for these brothers and sisters.
• I think God was probably trying to do something on my own heart, but because of this sense of responsibility, I wasn't letting Him. I definitely felt a disconnect between me and God, and that probably should have told me I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing, but I was so intent on being prayer support.. I knew that while I was disconnected I wasn't going to be very effective, and so I was actually trying to follow the example of others and lift up praises to God in those times when I felt stuck. But I think instead I should have just stopped what I was doing and focused entirely on God. Thinking about it like that I think I missed out on what could have been a really powerful time of the Holy Spirit's ministry to myself as well.. Or maybe what I'm going through right now IS the lesson God wanted me to learn?
• Through this experience I'm coming face to face with how little I can really do in my own ability and power. And that brings me to only one solution, that being to rely the Holy Spirit. My prayers may be powerful, but I want my prayers to bring an encounter with GOD! And the only way that is going to happen is if I'm praying from the Father's heart.

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And that was that entry. More to come!

Speaking of Fruitless Pursuits...

Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread,

but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.

- Proverbs 12:11

I'm gunna work my land Lord!

Intimacy - Knowing That It's Too Much

About 2 and a half weeks ago now, I had my Healing and Deliverance session at New Philly. For those of you who aren't familiar with what an H & D session is, it's a sort of counseling session where we ask God to expose the deep wounds of our hearts so that He can heal them by pouring His love out on them. It's good stuff. :)

I'm still in the middle of writing my full testimony, but I wanted to share just a little bit. First thing you should know is this: During my session areas of my heart have been healed, walls have been broken down, and chains have been broken off of me! Hallelujah! I may not have been able to sense these things occurring, but that doesn't change the reality of what took place! I'm taking them in faith!

And during my session it be came clear that the Enemy has been using a lot of my favorite pastimes to kill my time with God, namely video games. And in an effort to clear my plate for God, I went on what ended up being a 2 week video game fast, but unfortunately during that period of time, I ended up turning to anime and comic books to fill a good portion of that new free time.

Basically God's been pressing on my heart over the past few days that this is simply too much. I've been wasting too much of my time on fruitless things. So this left me with only one option to really counteract the Devil's schemes: a full-on media fast. For I don't know how many days. Basically until I feel the Lord telling me I'm good to go. This is going to be a challenge, but I know that God wouldn't convict me of this unless he knew I was able to push through. I mean, simply for you to hear me say that these things are fruitless out loud tells you that it HAS to be God! haha

I feel that it's important that I'm as specific as possible so that I won't be tempted to cheat. So my current fast will involve:

• No video games
• No anime
• No manga
• No comic books
• No webcomics
• No YouTubing random videos
• No Facebook or Gchatting in excess

Which still leaves me with a plethora of other ways for me to spend my time unwisely... so this list is probably going to grow if I start feeling like something else is taking up too much of my time.

But yeah, I'm going to be setting a lot of time aside to do these things specifically:

• Read the Bible
• Study the Bible
• Pray
• Read Christian books
• Play guitar and praise

The rest of my free time I'm only going to allow myself to do these things:

• Blogging
• Studying Korean
• Editing photos
• Painting (If I can actually work myself up to start...)
• Other things I need to do (Some side projects, clean the apartment, do budgeting stuff, etc.)

This is my game plan. I realize that there are SO many things I want to do with my time... In the long run, if I could really just stop all of my media things, I would probably have enough time to do all of the other things I want to do... -__- I'm going to have to find a way to budget my time...

But yeah, just so it's clear, my end goal for this is greater intimacy with the Father, and I honestly feel that this will come as I take these steps. I'll let you all know how it all turns out. ^^

Why I Am a Teacher

So, this is a writing sample I wrote for a new hagwon that I'm applying to~ I figured it sounded enough like a blog post that I could just copy and paste it here without any problems. :) This is a basic history of why I'm a teacher now!

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It was a little over a year ago when I decided that I once again wanted to try my hands at another career path. Originally, a career in teaching and education was never part of the plan. I had always considered it as an option, but it was never one that I wanted to explore until now. As a barely-mature teenager trying to decide college major, it never occurred to me just how much I might like being a teacher.

I chose to study chemistry in college, mainly because I was a math and science buff in high school, and chemistry intrigued me the most. However, it wasn't even 2 years into my program at UCLA before I realized that chemistry wasn't for me, at least not as a career. While it is true, even now, that I have an honest fascination with chemistry, when I looked at the students around me and observed their passion and determination, I knew that I would not be able to compete with them in the field. Chemistry isn't something that can draw that kind of excellence out of me. Yet, even with this realization, I wanted to stick with my commitment and finish my degree. There were still different aspects of chemistry I had yet to delve into, and I wanted to see if something in there might ignite my passion.

Shortly after making this decision, I applied for a part-time position selling computers at our university's student store. During my 2 and a half years as an employee at the UCLA Computer Store, I became more and more aware of my love for interacting with people. Whether it was my customers, my co-workers, or even my managers, you could almost always find me talking to somebody at work. Of course, the job was not always easy, but I found that I was enjoying myself nonetheless. Still, something about being in sales for the rest of my life didn't sit well.

I graduated with great conviction that neither a career as a chemist nor a career as a salesperson was going to satisfy me. So, I returned to my first love, art and graphics design. Ever since childhood, I had always loved drawing, and I had actually worked a lot in graphics design during high school. I believed that I was sure to awaken my passion in this field. With this hope set on my heart, I enrolled in a few classes at a nearby college, and took on an internship at a start-up film production company as their graphics designer. I enjoyed myself for a short while, but soon, the feeling of isolation crept in at my internship, almost to the point of suffocation. It was here that I really saw how I literally could not function without people around me. So as soon as I could, I left the internship, which brings me to early 2009.

It was at this time that a friend suggested that I try teaching. Initially the suggestion caught me by surprise, but over the next few weeks I realized more and more how perfect a job like that might be. Teaching means that I will be working with people throughout my day, and it gives me a chance to put my chemistry degree to good use. On top of that, it is a career path that would satisfy my deep-seated desire to influence the world around me. Looking back, the one thing missing from a career in sales is this ability not to just make people happy, but to really improve their lives.

As I am drawing closer to the end of my first year of teaching English in Korea, I can say that I have truly enjoyed this career path. I can see that there are many areas that I need to develop in order to become the best teacher I can be, but I see it as a welcome challenge. This being my first year, and as a foreigner, my impact on the lives of my current students feels extremely limited. I'm looking forward to the day when, after I have developed as a teacher, I will be able to guide my students to make positive changes in their lives.

Awesome Student Quotes

Minjoon: Hey MAN! I'm fail!

I cracked up for 2 minutes straight after he said this. :D He had just turned in his vocabulary test with half of the answers blank. I think part of the awesomeness was the accent. :P

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Minjoon: Hey! I'm not cunning!

Minjoon: Teacher! He's cunning!

He meant to say cheating. Hahaha

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I've been teaching my students using American songs, and so this is something that came up during my lesson today, after listening to "I Want to Hold Your Hand":

Cindy: Teacher! We're just children, we don't know about love!

She had a point... I don't know what I was expecting...

Intimacy - Introduction

Ack! It's been almost a month since I posted something! We need to rectify this!

So! How's it goin'...? I hope you're doing well! Things have been going pretty well on my end. :) The month of March was a pretty rough month all around from what I hear. But praise the Lord! 'Cause we made it through alive! :D

For a while, there I think I was feeling both really aimless and really busy at the same. Even now I have all kinds of things that I feel like I need to take note of and keep in the back of my mind. But you know, the back of my mind only has so much room. At a point the door just wouldn't stay shut any more and I realized that I had to figure out what to do with this mess.

Thankfully, the Lord was telling me that the first thing I need to be doing is seeking Him. Because He is faithful to hear my problems out. And He will give me the answers I need. That gave me a lot of peace. But I don't think I can say that the peace is complete yet...

To be honest, I'm still learning how to be intimate with the Lord, and still learning to hear his voice when he whispers. I'm still way too impatient. I can't sit still and just listen. And oftentimes I can't wait long enough for God to show me His answer, so I act impulsively. I'm still learning...

But hallelujah, I'm working on it! By God's grace I'm starting to get there! I'll definitely keep you all posted on my journey towards greater intimacy with the Lord. :)

The World's Just Whizzing By...

Man...

I suddenly got struck by the feeling of everything just swirling around me... It feels like the world is rushing at me all at once.

But you know what.

I'm taking a stand right now to say that I'm not going to let myself worry. I know that God is faithful to lead me if only I let Him.

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I pray that sometime soon

I get a day to just lie in the grass,

in the middle of a huge field,

under a bright blue sky,

and bask in the splendor of the Creator.

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I can't remember the last time I took the time to just sit and relax. Whenever I have that opportunity, I always seem to get really antsy and feel like I have to be doing something. I hope that, the next time I get the chance, that feeling would be gone.

Analyzing the Results of Overanalyzing

It's kinda troublesome how sometimes my entire demeanor starts to change as I write a blog post or an e-mail... Maybe it goes to show that no matter how much writing helps me to process, ultimately, if I'm not bringing my thoughts up to God first, I won't be completely at peace... No amount of analyzing and re-analyzing and overanalyzing is able to bring me to peace.

God, help me to turn to your Love first! Be the shoulder that I can cry on! The person that I turn to in my times of distress and frustration! The first person I release my joys to as well! You are my companion Lord, and there will be no one better! I'm claiming that right now Jesus!

Joy

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,

but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.

Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,

and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

- Psalm 32:10-11

I claim JOY Lord!

Holy Moly!

Brace yourselves guys... Are you ready? ... I've been in Korea for 6 months, starting tomorrow! As Ahreum put it earlier today, starting tomorrow, I will be on the latter half of my stay in Korea! D:

Looking back on it, it's all just one huge blur... The most eventful days are probably the weekends, and so maybe thats why I feel like I've only been here 3 months or so... Its so funny how all of my work days start to blur together in my memory... There really isn't too much to differentiate the days from each other I guess?

But yes, these pays few months have definitely been good. :) Making new friends is always a blessing! Though, to be honest, I do kinda wonder if it's a good thing that I don't really miss everyone from LA all that much.. It's definitely good in the sense that I'm really quick to adapt to my new situations, and that I don't get homesick so much! I'm going to try not to dwell on the flip side of that too much. ^^;;

------- Testimony Time! -------

My stay here in Korea has challenged my faith on SO many different levels in these past few months. I think the first thing that was challenged was really my definition of "church" and a "church family." Never in my life have I received SO much support from my brothers and sisters at church! And that's not to say that New Philadelphia is some kind of lovey-lovey hippie church, but people at NPC are serious about accountability. What I mean by that the leaders at the church are more than willing to share about their pasts and their struggles, and in so doing, create an atmosphere where people are willing to share theirs. And once that wall is broken down, that's when serious accountability happens.

This isn't just with small group leaders either, but most of the brothers and sisters around me have been keeping me accountable in the varying areas of my life, whether it's how I'm doing as I serve on the service team, or how I'm interacting with the sisters, or what have you. And with so much accountability, I have so much support and encouragement as well! :) I LOVE IT! This atmosphere has really helped me to mature in these past few months!

I think the next new concepts for me were regarding the blood of Jesus and the power of His Name. My faith in this area is growing! By the blood of Jesus I mean it's ability to purify us, protect us, and the grace it allows us to move in. The blood of Jesus is still something I need to learn more about, but I have since been convinced of the power of Jesus' name!

Most of you probably don't know, but I actually get "sleep paralysis" pretty frequently. If you've never had it before, praise the Lord, because it's not pleasant. (If you don't know what it is, I can explain it to you later.) It always used to bother me that I could never do anything about it, and that had to just endure.. But no lie, the last three times I've had "sleep paralysis," the very moment I've, in faith, said (more like grunted...) the name of Jesus, the pressure lifted and I was free to move again! Which has lead me to believe that His name is truly powerful, and that demons really do tremble at the sound of his name. And not only that, but I'm now pretty convinced that 100% of cases of "sleep paralysis" is demonic oppression, but that's another topic entirely...

Another challenge I've been faced with is the limit of my Faith. I think that on the whole, American Faith is pretty weak. I may be overgeneralizing though. When I'm talking about Faith, what I'm talking about is Hebrews 11:1 Faith: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

I would say the majority the Faith I had in the States was a very... comfortable faith. It gave me hope that I would mature as a person and as a believer, and it gave me the confidence that my life was secure in God's hands, but I honestly don't know how much further it went than self-preservation. But New Philly has really shown me "risky" Faith! That can look like many things! Like the Faith to willingly put yourself in a situation where you look like a complete FOOL in the world's eyes, because you are CONVINCED that God wants you there and has you in His hand. The faith that gets you praying for physical healings, even when you haven't seen a single person healed through your prayer, SIMPLY because you know God is the Healer and our Salvation! Even now, I know that I have a long way to go regarding my levels of faith, but I'm moving forward, and so I'm pressing on!

In closing, I think I am being most challenged in the area of my perception of the Holy Spirit and the power of the Love of God through the Holy Spirit. Man oh man. I have such a long way to go! Looking back, prior to coming to Korea, I knew next to nothing about the Holy Spirit. I mean, I knew the basic theology behind the Holy Spirit, but how that plays out in daily life, or in my life at all for that matter, was a complete mystery to me! Even now, I STILL don't know EXACTLY what the Holy Spirit does, or how He moves... But I do know one thing. The Holy Spirit is powerful and active! I know now that we don't have to have tongues of fire on our heads in order to be empowered by or moving in the Spirit. I know that for sure! I haven't seen any fire landing on anyone's head, but I sure have seen the Holy Spirit at work!
This is also the area I'm really pressing in for the most right now. It sure isn't easy though. I've been trying to move in the Spirit myself in greater ways, and with greater manifestations, but I really have no idea if I'm going anywhere. It feels like, the more I press in, the more I feel like I'm getting works oriented and trying to "earn the Holy Spirit" through my actions. But to be honest, I don't know what else to do! Even surrendering is difficult for me right now! People talk about surrendering completely to what God's doing... but I'm so confused because I feel as though I'm surrendered, but I guess I'm not, and when I try to surrender more fully, I start to get action-focused again! I don't get it!! >.<

As you can see, I'm getting challenged a lot! I've got a LONG way to go, but I'm looking forward to the journey. :)

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Ugh... I hate to have to do this, because it totally disrupts the flow of my blog... but due to the nature of what I've written, and from past experience, I want to put a sort of disclaimer on what I've written above.

What I've written just now is really more for MY benefit, if anything. Writing all of this out really helps me to process what exactly has happened to me in the past few months, and I've chosen to put it in the public eye so that people who might be curious about what's going on with me will be able to find out! That said, I am the first to admit that I am in NO way the most theologically sound or Biblically grounded thinker in the world, and I may be saying things that simply aren't correct. I'm totally okay with being corrected, and in fact I actually welcome correction. However, if you are going to correct me, please don't do so in my comments... Message me or something, and I will correct myself in my post if necessary... The last time this happened I was actually really hurt, and I would prefer if that kind of situation did not present itself again. Thank you for your patience with me!

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Ack.

Ackkk. I'm starting to lose my resolve for blogging I think... x_x

Or maybe I'm just busying myself with too many other things? That is also a possibility I guess?

Also, it's already a week and a half into February, and I still haven't charted all of my budgeting stuff for the month... and if I don't soon I'm definitely going to start forgetting some of my purchases... :x

On a side note, I got a Mocha Latte from The Coffee Bean in Gangnam and it is not sitting very well at all... Maybe the milk was kinda bad?

Also, I was fasting yesterday, and for the first time in my life I think I was actually grumpy because I was hungry... I never used to think that being hungry ever affected my mood, but I think it kinda does? I guess I was never put in situations where I was both hungry and in a situation where I might potentially become irritated... I'm not generally easily irritated I guess? But my students were just getting on my nerves yesterday... x_x

God, You are more important to me than anything! I'm sorry for putting other things first! >.<

Busy month!

So, I hope that you don't begrudge me for having not posted anything for over 2 weeks.. I have had a rather busy month. Which, I guess in all honesty, wasn't that busy, and I really did have time to update, but I ended up doing other things with my time.

But this month hasn't been easy either. My brain has been kinda jumbly these past few weeks so I haven't really been able to think clearly about what's going on lately. ^^;; I think I need to take some time and just reflect sometime soon. Possibly even this afternoon. We will see how that works out!

x_x

Oh man... It's going to be a long month if things continue like they are right now... My brain can hardly function right now... This week has been dragging on forever.

Also, there are just a lot of things that I've been meaning to do, e-mails I've been meaning to send, but since the start of this week I just haven't been able to function properly enough to do them...

*sigh* And I'm off to class...

Five Days into 2010!

Hello again!

I've been sorta busy, and I still kinda am but I'm taking a short break to post some stuff. :)

I can't believe its been 10 years since 2000 already! God has taken me a long way from when I was 13 years old. It actually kinda blows my mind that it's already been 10 years since that first year of high school... Just thinking back at what I was thinking at that age, I can see how far God has brought me. A lot of maturity came from when I got baptized back in '06 at Living Way by Pastor DJ. And I've also matured a ton in just the past few months of living here in Korea. Looking back on just a few months it is so noticeable what God has been doing in me. :) That's not to say I'm nearly where I want to be, and I have a lot of things to work on for sure, but God is faithful and I know I'll get there eventually!

We had record snowfall here in Korea yesterday. The scenery was so beautiful! I wish I could have just skipped work and went out on a photoshoot... I hope it snows just as hard again on Saturday~

It's also very cold. I can hardly even type right now because my joints are so stiff. x_x

I just met our coffee man's wife and daughter today when i stopped by to grab a mocha. :D His daughter resembles him SO much! It's really cool. :) It was also a little weird today though. I walked in and somehow he knew that I wasn't going to be staying because he asked me if I was going to be taking it out with me. I think he might be psychic. o_o Or maybe it was because I didn't have my laptop and I didn't put my stuff down before ordering... Who knows?

I'm SUPER excited for 2010!!! I am SO glad that God brought me to New Philly and I have great expectations for this year! These last few months of 2009 have been filled with so much blessing, and I know that it's only a taste of what is to come! God is going to do amazing things!! I'm actually really really anxious to get started! :DD I'm ready God!