Analyzing the Results of Overanalyzing

It's kinda troublesome how sometimes my entire demeanor starts to change as I write a blog post or an e-mail... Maybe it goes to show that no matter how much writing helps me to process, ultimately, if I'm not bringing my thoughts up to God first, I won't be completely at peace... No amount of analyzing and re-analyzing and overanalyzing is able to bring me to peace.

God, help me to turn to your Love first! Be the shoulder that I can cry on! The person that I turn to in my times of distress and frustration! The first person I release my joys to as well! You are my companion Lord, and there will be no one better! I'm claiming that right now Jesus!

Joy

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,

but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.

Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,

and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

- Psalm 32:10-11

I claim JOY Lord!

Holy Moly!

Brace yourselves guys... Are you ready? ... I've been in Korea for 6 months, starting tomorrow! As Ahreum put it earlier today, starting tomorrow, I will be on the latter half of my stay in Korea! D:

Looking back on it, it's all just one huge blur... The most eventful days are probably the weekends, and so maybe thats why I feel like I've only been here 3 months or so... Its so funny how all of my work days start to blur together in my memory... There really isn't too much to differentiate the days from each other I guess?

But yes, these pays few months have definitely been good. :) Making new friends is always a blessing! Though, to be honest, I do kinda wonder if it's a good thing that I don't really miss everyone from LA all that much.. It's definitely good in the sense that I'm really quick to adapt to my new situations, and that I don't get homesick so much! I'm going to try not to dwell on the flip side of that too much. ^^;;

------- Testimony Time! -------

My stay here in Korea has challenged my faith on SO many different levels in these past few months. I think the first thing that was challenged was really my definition of "church" and a "church family." Never in my life have I received SO much support from my brothers and sisters at church! And that's not to say that New Philadelphia is some kind of lovey-lovey hippie church, but people at NPC are serious about accountability. What I mean by that the leaders at the church are more than willing to share about their pasts and their struggles, and in so doing, create an atmosphere where people are willing to share theirs. And once that wall is broken down, that's when serious accountability happens.

This isn't just with small group leaders either, but most of the brothers and sisters around me have been keeping me accountable in the varying areas of my life, whether it's how I'm doing as I serve on the service team, or how I'm interacting with the sisters, or what have you. And with so much accountability, I have so much support and encouragement as well! :) I LOVE IT! This atmosphere has really helped me to mature in these past few months!

I think the next new concepts for me were regarding the blood of Jesus and the power of His Name. My faith in this area is growing! By the blood of Jesus I mean it's ability to purify us, protect us, and the grace it allows us to move in. The blood of Jesus is still something I need to learn more about, but I have since been convinced of the power of Jesus' name!

Most of you probably don't know, but I actually get "sleep paralysis" pretty frequently. If you've never had it before, praise the Lord, because it's not pleasant. (If you don't know what it is, I can explain it to you later.) It always used to bother me that I could never do anything about it, and that had to just endure.. But no lie, the last three times I've had "sleep paralysis," the very moment I've, in faith, said (more like grunted...) the name of Jesus, the pressure lifted and I was free to move again! Which has lead me to believe that His name is truly powerful, and that demons really do tremble at the sound of his name. And not only that, but I'm now pretty convinced that 100% of cases of "sleep paralysis" is demonic oppression, but that's another topic entirely...

Another challenge I've been faced with is the limit of my Faith. I think that on the whole, American Faith is pretty weak. I may be overgeneralizing though. When I'm talking about Faith, what I'm talking about is Hebrews 11:1 Faith: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

I would say the majority the Faith I had in the States was a very... comfortable faith. It gave me hope that I would mature as a person and as a believer, and it gave me the confidence that my life was secure in God's hands, but I honestly don't know how much further it went than self-preservation. But New Philly has really shown me "risky" Faith! That can look like many things! Like the Faith to willingly put yourself in a situation where you look like a complete FOOL in the world's eyes, because you are CONVINCED that God wants you there and has you in His hand. The faith that gets you praying for physical healings, even when you haven't seen a single person healed through your prayer, SIMPLY because you know God is the Healer and our Salvation! Even now, I know that I have a long way to go regarding my levels of faith, but I'm moving forward, and so I'm pressing on!

In closing, I think I am being most challenged in the area of my perception of the Holy Spirit and the power of the Love of God through the Holy Spirit. Man oh man. I have such a long way to go! Looking back, prior to coming to Korea, I knew next to nothing about the Holy Spirit. I mean, I knew the basic theology behind the Holy Spirit, but how that plays out in daily life, or in my life at all for that matter, was a complete mystery to me! Even now, I STILL don't know EXACTLY what the Holy Spirit does, or how He moves... But I do know one thing. The Holy Spirit is powerful and active! I know now that we don't have to have tongues of fire on our heads in order to be empowered by or moving in the Spirit. I know that for sure! I haven't seen any fire landing on anyone's head, but I sure have seen the Holy Spirit at work!
This is also the area I'm really pressing in for the most right now. It sure isn't easy though. I've been trying to move in the Spirit myself in greater ways, and with greater manifestations, but I really have no idea if I'm going anywhere. It feels like, the more I press in, the more I feel like I'm getting works oriented and trying to "earn the Holy Spirit" through my actions. But to be honest, I don't know what else to do! Even surrendering is difficult for me right now! People talk about surrendering completely to what God's doing... but I'm so confused because I feel as though I'm surrendered, but I guess I'm not, and when I try to surrender more fully, I start to get action-focused again! I don't get it!! >.<

As you can see, I'm getting challenged a lot! I've got a LONG way to go, but I'm looking forward to the journey. :)

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Ugh... I hate to have to do this, because it totally disrupts the flow of my blog... but due to the nature of what I've written, and from past experience, I want to put a sort of disclaimer on what I've written above.

What I've written just now is really more for MY benefit, if anything. Writing all of this out really helps me to process what exactly has happened to me in the past few months, and I've chosen to put it in the public eye so that people who might be curious about what's going on with me will be able to find out! That said, I am the first to admit that I am in NO way the most theologically sound or Biblically grounded thinker in the world, and I may be saying things that simply aren't correct. I'm totally okay with being corrected, and in fact I actually welcome correction. However, if you are going to correct me, please don't do so in my comments... Message me or something, and I will correct myself in my post if necessary... The last time this happened I was actually really hurt, and I would prefer if that kind of situation did not present itself again. Thank you for your patience with me!

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Ack.

Ackkk. I'm starting to lose my resolve for blogging I think... x_x

Or maybe I'm just busying myself with too many other things? That is also a possibility I guess?

Also, it's already a week and a half into February, and I still haven't charted all of my budgeting stuff for the month... and if I don't soon I'm definitely going to start forgetting some of my purchases... :x

On a side note, I got a Mocha Latte from The Coffee Bean in Gangnam and it is not sitting very well at all... Maybe the milk was kinda bad?

Also, I was fasting yesterday, and for the first time in my life I think I was actually grumpy because I was hungry... I never used to think that being hungry ever affected my mood, but I think it kinda does? I guess I was never put in situations where I was both hungry and in a situation where I might potentially become irritated... I'm not generally easily irritated I guess? But my students were just getting on my nerves yesterday... x_x

God, You are more important to me than anything! I'm sorry for putting other things first! >.<

Busy month!

So, I hope that you don't begrudge me for having not posted anything for over 2 weeks.. I have had a rather busy month. Which, I guess in all honesty, wasn't that busy, and I really did have time to update, but I ended up doing other things with my time.

But this month hasn't been easy either. My brain has been kinda jumbly these past few weeks so I haven't really been able to think clearly about what's going on lately. ^^;; I think I need to take some time and just reflect sometime soon. Possibly even this afternoon. We will see how that works out!

x_x

Oh man... It's going to be a long month if things continue like they are right now... My brain can hardly function right now... This week has been dragging on forever.

Also, there are just a lot of things that I've been meaning to do, e-mails I've been meaning to send, but since the start of this week I just haven't been able to function properly enough to do them...

*sigh* And I'm off to class...

Five Days into 2010!

Hello again!

I've been sorta busy, and I still kinda am but I'm taking a short break to post some stuff. :)

I can't believe its been 10 years since 2000 already! God has taken me a long way from when I was 13 years old. It actually kinda blows my mind that it's already been 10 years since that first year of high school... Just thinking back at what I was thinking at that age, I can see how far God has brought me. A lot of maturity came from when I got baptized back in '06 at Living Way by Pastor DJ. And I've also matured a ton in just the past few months of living here in Korea. Looking back on just a few months it is so noticeable what God has been doing in me. :) That's not to say I'm nearly where I want to be, and I have a lot of things to work on for sure, but God is faithful and I know I'll get there eventually!

We had record snowfall here in Korea yesterday. The scenery was so beautiful! I wish I could have just skipped work and went out on a photoshoot... I hope it snows just as hard again on Saturday~

It's also very cold. I can hardly even type right now because my joints are so stiff. x_x

I just met our coffee man's wife and daughter today when i stopped by to grab a mocha. :D His daughter resembles him SO much! It's really cool. :) It was also a little weird today though. I walked in and somehow he knew that I wasn't going to be staying because he asked me if I was going to be taking it out with me. I think he might be psychic. o_o Or maybe it was because I didn't have my laptop and I didn't put my stuff down before ordering... Who knows?

I'm SUPER excited for 2010!!! I am SO glad that God brought me to New Philly and I have great expectations for this year! These last few months of 2009 have been filled with so much blessing, and I know that it's only a taste of what is to come! God is going to do amazing things!! I'm actually really really anxious to get started! :DD I'm ready God!