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My stay here in Korea has challenged my faith on SO many different levels in these past few months. I think the first thing that was challenged was really my definition of "church" and a "church family." Never in my life have I received SO much support from my brothers and sisters at church! And that's not to say that New Philadelphia is some kind of lovey-lovey hippie church, but people at NPC are serious about accountability. What I mean by that the leaders at the church are more than willing to share about their pasts and their struggles, and in so doing, create an atmosphere where people are willing to share theirs. And once that wall is broken down, that's when serious accountability happens.
This isn't just with small group leaders either, but most of the brothers and sisters around me have been keeping me accountable in the varying areas of my life, whether it's how I'm doing as I serve on the service team, or how I'm interacting with the sisters, or what have you. And with so much accountability, I have so much support and encouragement as well! :) I LOVE IT! This atmosphere has really helped me to mature in these past few months!
I think the next new concepts for me were regarding the blood of Jesus and the power of His Name. My faith in this area is growing! By the blood of Jesus I mean it's ability to purify us, protect us, and the grace it allows us to move in. The blood of Jesus is still something I need to learn more about, but I have since been convinced of the power of Jesus' name!
Most of you probably don't know, but I actually get "sleep paralysis" pretty frequently. If you've never had it before, praise the Lord, because it's not pleasant. (If you don't know what it is, I can explain it to you later.) It always used to bother me that I could never do anything about it, and that had to just endure.. But no lie, the last three times I've had "sleep paralysis," the very moment I've, in faith, said (more like grunted...) the name of Jesus, the pressure lifted and I was free to move again! Which has lead me to believe that His name is truly powerful, and that demons really do tremble at the sound of his name. And not only that, but I'm now pretty convinced that 100% of cases of "sleep paralysis" is demonic oppression, but that's another topic entirely...
Another challenge I've been faced with is the limit of my Faith. I think that on the whole, American Faith is pretty weak. I may be overgeneralizing though. When I'm talking about Faith, what I'm talking about is Hebrews 11:1 Faith: "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
I would say the majority the Faith I had in the States was a very... comfortable faith. It gave me hope that I would mature as a person and as a believer, and it gave me the confidence that my life was secure in God's hands, but I honestly don't know how much further it went than self-preservation. But New Philly has really shown me "risky" Faith! That can look like many things! Like the Faith to willingly put yourself in a situation where you look like a complete FOOL in the world's eyes, because you are CONVINCED that God wants you there and has you in His hand. The faith that gets you praying for physical healings, even when you haven't seen a single person healed through your prayer, SIMPLY because you know God is the Healer and our Salvation! Even now, I know that I have a long way to go regarding my levels of faith, but I'm moving forward, and so I'm pressing on!
In closing, I think I am being most challenged in the area of my perception of the Holy Spirit and the power of the Love of God through the Holy Spirit. Man oh man. I have such a long way to go! Looking back, prior to coming to Korea, I knew next to nothing about the Holy Spirit. I mean, I knew the basic theology behind the Holy Spirit, but how that plays out in daily life, or in my life at all for that matter, was a complete mystery to me! Even now, I STILL don't know EXACTLY what the Holy Spirit does, or how He moves... But I do know one thing. The Holy Spirit is powerful and active! I know now that we don't have to have tongues of fire on our heads in order to be empowered by or moving in the Spirit. I know that for sure! I haven't seen any fire landing on anyone's head, but I sure have seen the Holy Spirit at work!
This is also the area I'm really pressing in for the most right now. It sure isn't easy though. I've been trying to move in the Spirit myself in greater ways, and with greater manifestations, but I really have no idea if I'm going anywhere. It feels like, the more I press in, the more I feel like I'm getting works oriented and trying to "earn the Holy Spirit" through my actions. But to be honest, I don't know what else to do! Even surrendering is difficult for me right now! People talk about surrendering completely to what God's doing... but I'm so confused because I feel as though I'm surrendered, but I guess I'm not, and when I try to surrender more fully, I start to get action-focused again! I don't get it!! >.<
As you can see, I'm getting challenged a lot! I've got a LONG way to go, but I'm looking forward to the journey. :)
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Ugh... I hate to have to do this, because it totally disrupts the flow of my blog... but due to the nature of what I've written, and from past experience, I want to put a sort of disclaimer on what I've written above.
What I've written just now is really more for MY benefit, if anything. Writing all of this out really helps me to process what exactly has happened to me in the past few months, and I've chosen to put it in the public eye so that people who might be curious about what's going on with me will be able to find out! That said, I am the first to admit that I am in NO way the most theologically sound or Biblically grounded thinker in the world, and I may be saying things that simply aren't correct. I'm totally okay with being corrected, and in fact I actually welcome correction. However, if you are going to correct me, please don't do so in my comments... Message me or something, and I will correct myself in my post if necessary... The last time this happened I was actually really hurt, and I would prefer if that kind of situation did not present itself again. Thank you for your patience with me!
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